We’re looking for weird flash fiction from 500 to 1500 words for our new Strange Story Saturdays feature on StrangeHouseBooks.com. Email your stories to John Bruni at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Gang! The Psycho Spring 2014 new releases just keep on dropping this month as SHB anthology contributor K.M. Tepe’s debut novel Slaughtertown Circus hits amazon today! This is what fellow Strangehouse Author Jesse Wheeler, author of Dinner at the vomitropolis, has to say about Slaughtertown Circus:
“This book has it all. Transvestites, amputees, cotton candy feces, deep fried corn-dog dicks, vandalism, and so much more. You think you know clowns…? You don’t know shit till you read Slaughtertown Circus.”
Xander is boring. He spends his boring life working for minimal pay (and even less respect) as a data entry clerk. After he’s fired from his job, Xander finds himself lost, poor, and alone; until he meets a stripping clown known only as “Marbles”.
Marbles decides to spice up Xander’s life a bit by sleeping with him, but Xander is unaware that clown sex comes with a very unexpected STD. Xander soon learns that his new friend has an agenda of her own. After the entire clown world, Kermisendia, has gone up in flames, Marbles, the daughter of the Leader of Kermisendia, is sent to the Earthly dimension to gather an army and claim a new home for the species, no matter the cost.
Join Xander, Marbles, and the rest of the extra-terrestrial clown freaks on a big-top adventure through the funhouse mirror as Xander learns that clowns might not really be that funny after all…
We just couldn’t resist, gang! Even though the Strange Sex 2 anthology is still more than two months away from release, we just had to put this offensive little number up for sale. Gay Jesus erotica on Easter Sunday? Yes, yes and yes! We are SO going to Hell…
Blending the new trend of monster erotica with the timeless tradition of ridiculously bad taste, Kevin Strange brings together a story only he can tell.
John Schmitt is a deeply closeted man, hiding his true feelings of lust from his wife’s father for more than a decade. One fateful evening when John’s car takes a plunge off the side of a bridge, John comes face to face with a man even more handsome and sultry than the object of his fancy: Jesus Christ. But as the two men make passionate love above John’s dying body on their way toward the light of heaven, John reveals an appalling secret to the savior of all mankind. Will Jesus accept John’s peculiar secret? Or will the son of God’s own secret prove even more shocking than the one hiding inside John’s pants?
Is gay Jesus erotica even a thing? It is now in this hot and messy erotic horror story ripped straight from the pages of the upcoming Strange Sex 2 anthology from StrangeHouse books!
At first, scientists didn’t know what it was. They could only see a speck in the distance. It got bigger by the day, so they determined that it moved toward us.
Years later, they developed better telescopes, launched them into space, and concluded that the thing had a snake-like shape, and its tail dragged on behind it for miles.
On the tenth year of study, they saw what it was attached to, and they couldn’t get their minds around it. The data couldn’t be refuted, though; a giant naked man hurtled towards us through space from a couple of galaxies over . . . and he had a raging hard-on.
They did their homework, made charts and graphs, and argued among one another. The guy had to be impossibly big, but no one could figure out a formula that would tell us how big. They managed to determine his trajectory, and the news was not good. His destination seemed to be our planet, and it would take him fifty years to get here.
The politicians wanted to keep this on the down-low, but the scientists panicked and let the world know. They didn’t care about the consequences because they reasoned that in ten years, the Space Man, as they called him, would be visible on privately owned telescopes. Fifteen years after that, and any kid with a store-bought toy telescope would be able to see him.
The religious types saw this as a miracle, that the Space Man was really God, or maybe Jesus returned. They never talked about the erection, though, or what it might have symbolized.
Late show hosts turned it into a joke, probably on orders from the government. The big guy with the boner probably was not coming to us with good news, so why not lessen the threat in the eyes of the public?
The military didn’t relax, though. They trained harder than ever and prepared themselves for zero gravity combat. Their think tanks worked double time for decades, and the best they could come up with was to launch nukes at the Space Man to intercept him before he reached our solar system.
The missiles got him out by Alpha Centauri, and they had no effect on him. After that, we sent a fleet of armed space shuttles filled with Marines out to see what could be done. No one came back. The scientists, observing from afar, couldn’t tell for sure what had happened, but they think the soldiers tried to blast Space Man’s dick off, so he destroyed them all with a single swipe of his hand.
After that, the human race became morose. We accepted that soon, a giant man with a love hammer the size of a bunch of earths combined would end our existence, probably with a cock slap. Hollywood made a movie about it, but they put clothes on the big guy and a team of rag-tag misfits saved the day. No one cared for it, really.
Soon, Space Man could be seen with the naked eye. Up close, he looked like a drunk who had just gotten out of jail. His long hair hung in tangles, and his beard needed a trim. The scowl on his face betrayed a relentless hangover, and his beer belly puffed out proudly, a cosmic accomplishment. His hard-on wasn’t very proportional. If he’d been a regular guy, it would have come up to his chin.
When he missed us, the world celebrated. His legs went around us, and his balls almost thumped the north pole, but we made out okay. Scientists said that the movement had hurried the spin of our world, so days would be twenty hours from now on, and the moon was further away, so the oceans would be wild for a while, maybe forever, but we’d be fine.
And then, Space Man fucked the sun. He grabbed the base of his rod and jammed it into the center of our solar system. He had some wiggle room when it came to girth, but not much.
Everything went dark except for the little light around his hips. His ass clenched as he pounded the sun for all it was worth. The moans were enough to shatter all the glass on earth, but when he came, the sound of his whimper crushed mountains and reversed the flow of powerful rivers. Venus cracked in half, and Mercury swayed through the galaxy, nothing more than a rolling ball.
Space Man pulled back and with his flaccid dong hanging to his knees, he pushed off, probably looking for something else to hump.
Very little of the sun remained burning as it pulled the embers of itself into its center. Scientists guessed—-rightly—-that it was turning into a black hole. We had a couple of weeks before we’d be sucked in, but by then our atmosphere would be so useless that no one would survive to experience it.
The very next day after this announcement, Space Man’s jizz rained down on us. It burst into flame on its way down, and it stuck to everything like napalm. Very few people made it through this; those who did could barely keep it together as they felt the planet move closer to the sun’s remains.
Graffiti found at the end of the world: “We went out with a bang, then a whimper!”